I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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