Im at strip club and am horny
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
