just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize