Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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