Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
