she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
third nipple confirmed
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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