matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
