We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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