so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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