I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
