help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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