So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
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Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
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My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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