it hurts more in the daytime
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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