do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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