But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
