Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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