Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
