I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize