Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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