Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
