so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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