All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
