these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
