Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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