I want to stick my p in your. b.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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