Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
