also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
