I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
