I think my fart just growled at me.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
