just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
