Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
