The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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