Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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