then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
