ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
