when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Michael Bay diarrhea
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
