I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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