You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
