remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
