Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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