So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
How does one acquire holy water?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
