We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
