When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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