So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
