Moan for me like Helen Keller
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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