I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
