I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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