so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
