I skipped work to stalk him.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
