new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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