i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
