The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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