I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
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You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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