my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
